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Please enjoy these Quotes about Funnier and Friendship from my collection of Friendship quotes.
You want to do mankind a real service?
Tell funnier jokes.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories (1980)
A true friend is someone who
thinks that you are a good egg
even though he knows that
you are slightly cracked.
- Bernard Meltzer 
An old friend will help you move.
A good friend will help you move a dead body.
- Jim Hayes
Nine-tenths of the people were created
so you would want to be with the other tenth.
- Horace Walpole
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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Big sisters are the crabgrass in the lawn of life.
- Linus Van Pelt in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts cartoon
Normal is in the eye of the beholder.
- Whoopi Goldberg
Times like these, dark times,
they do funny things to people.
They can tear them apart.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (2009)
The secret of ugliness consists not in irregularity,
but in being uninteresting.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore,
and that's what parents were created for.
- Ogden Nash
Old age has deformities enough of its own.
It should never add to them the deformity of vice.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Nothing is so common-place as to wish to be remarkable.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
Okay, here's your first lesson: how to take a FALL!
- the movie Karate Kid
When you're drowning, you don't say,
"I would be incredibly pleased if someone
would have the foresight to notice
me drowning and come and help me,"
you just scream.
- John Lennon
God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is,
he's stuck with so many bad actors
who don't know how to play funny.
- Garrison Keillor
Minds are like parachutes.
They only function when they are open.
- James Dewar
To fall in love is awfully simple,
but to fall out of love is simply awful.
- Bess Myerson
Love is an endless mystery,
for it has nothing else to explain it.
- Rabindranath Tagore
It's a funny thing about life;
if you refuse to accept anything but the best,
you very often get it.
- W. Somerset Maugham
Life's burdens are lighter when I laugh at myself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A successful marriage requires falling in love many times,
always with the same person.
- Germaine Greer
Fear of death ... That's funny. I have that too.
My dog has it. It's very common with living creatures.
- the movie Anything Else (2003)
Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth
or burn down your house, you can never tell.
- Joan Crawford
I got a good mind to join a club
and beat you over the head with it.
- the Groucho Marx movie Duck Soup
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
- Edgar Bergen
Laugh Loud - Laugh Often
Laugh At What's Funny - Laugh At What's Sad
Laugh At Me - Laugh At You - Laugh At Life
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -
and he's a priest.
- Erma Bombeck
It's cookies, he smells like cookies,
and the smell gets stronger when he's in heat.
- the movie Michael
I believe in equality for everyone,
except reporters and photographers.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
(Groom), take (Bride)'s hand and place your hand over hers.
Now, remember this moment and cherish it...
because this will be the last time you ever have the upper hand.
- Anonymous
Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask "Why me?"
Then a voice answers "Nothing personal,
your name just happened to come up. -
- Charlie Brown, in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
This town needs an enema.
- the movie Batman
You can always do one thing less than you think you can.
- Anonymous
When life gets you down -
just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.
- Anonymous humor
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields
The way I see it, it doesn't matter what you believe,
just so you're sincere.
- Linus Van Pelt in Charles M. Schulz' Go Fly A Kite, Charlie Brown
Here are the opinions on which my facts are based.
- Anonymous
One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin
I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.
- Winston Churchill
I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.
- George Carlin
If life is a bowl of cherries, then what am I doing in the pits?
- Erma Bombeck
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring,
close-knit family in another city.
- George Burns
Too bad all the people who know how to run this country
are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.
- George Burns
Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
- H. L. Mencken
EVERYONE has the right to make an ass out of themselves.
- Harold and Maude (The movie )
When everything comes your way
you're in the wrong lane.
- Anonymous
I haven't reported my missing credit card to the police
because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife.
- Ilie Nastase
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
- Steve Martin
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell -
you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain
The Lord prefers common-looking people.
That is why he makes so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln
Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin
The food at this place is really terrible ...
and such small portions.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall
I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer
The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
You can put wings on a pig,
but you don't make it an eagle.
- William J. Clinton
I refuse to answer that question
on the grounds that I don't know the answer
- Douglas Adams
I never make stupid mistakes.
Only very, very clever ones.
- John Peel
My boyfriend and I broke up.
He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
- Rita Rudner
I personally think we developed language
because of our deep need to complain.
- Lily Tomlin
I was married by a judge.
I should have asked for a jury.
- Groucho Marx
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
The world's mental.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
Hey, Marge. Isn't it great being married
to someone who's recklessly impulsive?
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)
Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of ...
about me not listening to her, or something.
I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
- the movie Dumb & Dumber (1994)
For my part, I consider that it will be found much better
by all parties to leave the past to history,
especially as I propose to write that history myself.
- Winston Churchill
Women want mediocre men,
and men are working to be as mediocre as possible.
- Margaret Mead
Confucius might have said:
Once frightened, twice smelly in armpit.
- Anonymous humor
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Jonathan Lockwood Huie
"The Philosopher of Happiness" - is the author of 100 Secrets for Living a Life You Love, co-author of Simply An Inspired Life, speaker, personal coach, and creator of the popular Daily Inspiration - Daily Quote free email.>
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.