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Funny Friends Quotes - Funny Quotes about Friends

Please enjoy these Funny Friends quotes from my collection of Friendship quotes.

I choose my friends for their good looks,
my acquaintances for their good characters,
and my enemies for their intellects.
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde

Related topics: Cute Whimsey Funny Cynical Friendship Relationship

Nothing makes the earth seem so spacious
as to have friends at a distance;
they make the latitudes and the longitudes.
- Henry David Thoreau

A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell -
you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain

 

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin

Nothing is more cheerful than talking
about our friends' shortcomings.
- Mason Cooley

Everyone should have at least two friends -
one to talk to and one to talk about.
- Anonymous

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I have lost friends, some by death ...
others by sheer inability to cross the street.
- Virginia Woolf

When your friends begin to flatter
you on how young you look,
it's a sure sign you're getting old.
- Mark Twain

An excellent man;
he has no enemies;
and none of his friends like him.
- Oscar Wilde

Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer.
- the movie The Godfather, Part II

We make our friends; we make our enemies;
but God makes our next-door neighbor.
- Gilbert (G. K.) Chesterton

Heaven must be an awfully dull place
if your best friends end up elsewhere.
- Anonymous

He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.
- Oscar Wilde

Well, I had said to my friends, it's going to be good,
but I bet it's going to be cheesy in a way.
And I didn't think that at all.
It's so good and was just so funny.
- Brittany Snow

In my circle of friends, I've always been loud and funny and talkative.
But as soon as I step out of that circle,
I get very quiet and introspective.
I don't want the spotlight on me.
- Rosie Perez

I am so like Donna it's funny.
And most of my friends are guys too.
- Laura Prepon

When I'm with my friends I'm funny, but I don't feel like I'm a funny clown.
- Nora Dunn

Funny you mention my dinner parties when I have just
suggested that inviting close friends over to share
a meal with candlelight and wine at your table could
be a form of religious experience for some people.
To me it's a form of sacrament.
- Sally Quinn

I was lucky.
My family is wonderful.
And it's funny, because most of my best friends come
from very large families.
So it always felt as if I had lots of siblings,
though in the end I had to leave them and go home.
I kind of got the best of both worlds as a kid.
- Sophia Bush

Her friends say she is very funny.
At a family dinner, she stood to go,
and the footman very properly pulled her chair away.
At that moment I asked her a question and she sat down again,
except there was no chair.
Everyone, including the Queen, laughed and laughed.
- Prince Andrew

Movies these days have made killers into funny people.
What's that all about? I've got kids and family and friends,
and I don't like bad things.
I don't think they're funny, and it's irresponsible
to make movies that don't show you how that's not good.
- Billy Bob Thornton

I never smoked.
I never drank and I never took drugs.
The funny thing is, nothing is more boring,
people like this.
For me, it's OK.
But most of my friends, at least they smoke and drink.
- Karl Lagerfeld

Steve Martin is one of the most intelligent,
well-read human beings that I've ever come across.
He is equally as funny off screen as he is on.
But he also has a very intellectual side,
and he's a really nice human being.
We actually become good friends.
- Anthony LaPaglia

A lot of my friends are club people.
It's not me.
It's funny to represent that, because it's not me.
I don't fit into a gay club setting.
It's just ironic that I represent that somehow.
- Randy Harrison

I come from a background of hanging out with friends
and shooting videos with them,
with funny stuff coming out of the group.
I guess we got the same charge jocks get out of sports.
- Michael Patrick Jann

A true friend is someone who
thinks that you are a good egg
even though he knows that
you are slightly cracked.
- Bernard Meltzer

Nine-tenths of the people were created
so you would want to be with the other tenth.
- Horace Walpole

An old friend will help you move.
A good friend will help you move a dead body.
- Jim Hayes

Old age has deformities enough of its own.
It should never add to them the deformity of vice.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Okay, here's your first lesson: how to take a FALL!
- the movie Karate Kid

Times like these, dark times,
they do funny things to people.
They can tear them apart.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (2009)

Nothing is so common-place as to wish to be remarkable.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

Big sisters are the crabgrass in the lawn of life.
- Linus Van Pelt in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts cartoon

The secret of ugliness consists not in irregularity,
but in being uninteresting.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore,
and that's what parents were created for.
- Ogden Nash

Normal is in the eye of the beholder.
- Whoopi Goldberg

It's a funny thing about life;
if you refuse to accept anything but the best,
you very often get it.
- W. Somerset Maugham

When you're drowning, you don't say,
"I would be incredibly pleased if someone
would have the foresight to notice
me drowning and come and help me,"
you just scream.
- John Lennon

To fall in love is awfully simple,
but to fall out of love is simply awful.
- Bess Myerson

Life's burdens are lighter when I laugh at myself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Love is an endless mystery,
for it has nothing else to explain it.
- Rabindranath Tagore

That's my only goal.
Surround myself with funny people, and make sure everyone
has a good time and works hard.
- Joe Rogan

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times,
always with the same person.
- Germaine Greer

God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is,
he's stuck with so many bad actors
who don't know how to play funny.
- Garrison Keillor

Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth
or burn down your house, you can never tell.
- Joan Crawford

People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well,
no, I was an accountant.
- Ellen DeGeneres

Fear of death ... That's funny. I have that too.
My dog has it. It's very common with living creatures.
- the movie Anything Else (2003)

Minds are like parachutes.
They only function when they are open.
- James Dewar

Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
- Robert A. Heinlein

I love mankind, it's people I can't stand.
- Charles M. Schulz

I don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name.
- Paula Poundstone

Marriage is neither heaven nor hell,
it is simply purgatory.
- Abraham Lincoln

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced
so they won't think something's wrong with me.
- Elayne Boosler

This is an occasion for genuinely tiny knickers.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary (2001)

Television has brought back murder into the home -
where it belongs.
- Alfred Hitchcock

You got to be careful if you
don't know where you're going,
because you might not get there.
- Yogi Berra

A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always
depend on the support of Paul.
- George Bernard Shaw

I got a good mind to join a club
and beat you over the head with it.
- the Groucho Marx movie Duck Soup

I read that you should never go out with someone
if you can think of three reasons why you shouldn't.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (2004)

There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)

Confucius might have said:
Once frightened, twice smelly in armpit.
- Anonymous humor

Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein

My uncle Sammy was an angry man.
He had printed on his tombstone: What are you looking at?
- Margaret Smith

Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.
- Milton Berle

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
- Groucho Marx

If I had known what it would be like to have it all -
I might have been willing to settle for less.
- Lily Tomlin

Well, you ask a silly question, and you get a silly answer.
- Tom Lehrer

Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
- George Carlin

I have no fear of the gallows ... They're going to shoot me.
- the movie Love and Death

Parrots make great pets.
They have more personality than goldfish.
- Chevy Chase


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