Funny Friendship Quotes
Funny Quotes about Friendship

Please enjoy these Funny quotes on Friendship from my collection of Friendship quotes.

A true friend is someone who
thinks that you are a good egg
even though he knows that
you are slightly cracked.
- Bernard Meltzer

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An old friend will help you move.
A good friend will help you move a dead body.
- Jim Hayes

Nine-tenths of the people were created
so you would want to be with the other tenth.
- Horace Walpole

Times like these, dark times,
they do funny things to people.
They can tear them apart.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (2009)

Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore,
and that's what parents were created for.
- Ogden Nash

Nothing is so common-place as to wish to be remarkable.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

Normal is in the eye of the beholder.
- Whoopi Goldberg

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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Old age has deformities enough of its own.
It should never add to them the deformity of vice.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Okay, here's your first lesson: how to take a FALL!
- the movie Karate Kid

Big sisters are the crabgrass in the lawn of life.
- Linus Van Pelt in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts cartoon

The secret of ugliness consists not in irregularity,
but in being uninteresting.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

It's a funny thing about life;
if you refuse to accept anything but the best,
you very often get it.
- W. Somerset Maugham

To fall in love is awfully simple,
but to fall out of love is simply awful.
- Bess Myerson

God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is,
he's stuck with so many bad actors
who don't know how to play funny.
- Garrison Keillor

That's my only goal.
Surround myself with funny people, and make sure everyone
has a good time and works hard.
- Joe Rogan

Minds are like parachutes.
They only function when they are open.
- James Dewar

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times,
always with the same person.
- Germaine Greer

When you're drowning, you don't say,
"I would be incredibly pleased if someone
would have the foresight to notice
me drowning and come and help me,"
you just scream.
- John Lennon

Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth
or burn down your house, you can never tell.
- Joan Crawford

Fear of death ... That's funny. I have that too.
My dog has it. It's very common with living creatures.
- the movie Anything Else (2003)

People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well,
no, I was an accountant.
- Ellen DeGeneres

Love is an endless mystery,
for it has nothing else to explain it.
- Rabindranath Tagore

Life's burdens are lighter when I laugh at myself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

My life has been filled with terrible misfortune;
most of which never happened.
- Michel Eyquem De Montaigne

Here are the opinions on which my facts are based.
- Anonymous

I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.
- David Lee Roth

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
- Lana Turner

Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.
- P. J. O'Rourke

I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down.
- Mitch Hedberg

I am no longer young enough to know everything.
- Oscar Wilde

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
- Anonymous

No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- George Carlin

If you don't know where you are going,
you might wind up someplace else.
- Yogi Berra

Don't expect me to get excited over
another damn thing we need to find.
- Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1 (2010)

Smoking kills.
If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.
- Brooke Shields

A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -
and he's a priest.
- Erma Bombeck

Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)

If my films make one more person miserable,
I'll feel I have done my job.
- Woody Allen

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
- W. C. Fields

Tragedy is when I cut my finger.
Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
- Mel Brooks

Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
- Don Marquis

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

There are two things that are more difficult
than making an after-dinner speech:
climbing a wall which is leaning toward you
and kissing a girl who is leaning away from you.
- Winston Churchill

As to marriage or celibacy, let a man
take which course he will,
he will be sure to repent.
- Socrates

Be careful about reading health books.
You may die of a misprint.
- Mark Twain

One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash

A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous

A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler

I like marriage.
The idea.
- Toni Morrison

I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
- Bertrand Russell

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender,
but you don't have a top for it.
- Jerry Seinfeld

The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde

The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec

Love is like an hourglass,
with the heart filling up as the brain empties.
- Jules Renard

Life is too important to be taken seriously.
- Oscar Wilde

I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
- Anonymous

Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak;
courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.
- Winston Churchill

You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs.
- Anonymous

Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove (1964)

I'd luv to kiss ya, but I just washed my hair.
- Bette Davis

You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

I have lost friends, some by death ...
others by sheer inability to cross the street.
- Virginia Woolf

I can resist everything except temptation.
- Oscar Wilde

A word to the wise ain't necessary -
it's the stupid ones that need the advice.
- Bill Cosby

The Lord prefers common-looking people.
That is why he makes so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln

The proper office of a friend is to side with you
when you are in the wrong.
Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.
- Mark Twain

When I first saw you, I thought you were handsome.
Then, of course, you spoke.
- the movie As Good As It Gets (1997)

I want to thank my parents for everything I am today -
fat, miserable, and paranoid.
- Anonymous

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
- Samuel Johnson [also attributed to Oscar Wilde]

I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer

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