I was married by a judge. by Groucho Marx

I was married by a judge.
by Groucho Marx

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Thank You,
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx

Clear? Huh. Why a four-year-old child
could understand this report.
Run out and find me a four-year-old child,
I can't make head or tail of it.
- the Groucho Marx movie Duck Soup

I got a good mind to join a club
and beat you over the head with it.
- the Groucho Marx movie Duck Soup

Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

My boyfriend and I broke up.
He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
- Rita Rudner

A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Hey, Marge. Isn't it great being married
to someone who's recklessly impulsive?
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)

When people get married because they think
it's a long-time love affair,
they'll be divorced very soon,
because all love affairs end in disappointment.
But marriage is a recognition of a spiritual identity.
- Joseph Campbell

No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand

I have great hopes that we shall love each other all our lives
as much as if we had never married at all.
- Lord Byron

Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water.
After you get used to it, it ain't so hot.
- Minnie Pearl

Many important things shouldn't be done half-way.
Think of getting married, having children,
starting a business, changing your career.
There are times to gather your courage
and make the leap, the whole leap.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Do real life people actually fall in love
with the idea of being in love?
Unfortunately, it is actually quite common.
Someone wants desperately to have
the husband or wife of their dreams.
They visualize the vine-covered cottage
with the white picket fence.
They choose the colors for the nursery.
They design all the aspects of their married life.
A real person stands no chance of measuring up to those fantasies.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

My advice to you is get married:
if you find a good wife you'll be happy;
if not, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates

Everything that is worthwhile in life is scary.
Choosing a school, choosing a career,
getting married, having kids -
all those things are scary.
If it is not fearful, it is not worthwhile.
- Paul Tornier

Rituals are important.
Nowadays it's hip not to be married.
I'm not interested in being hip.
- John Lennon

Organic buildings are the strength
and lightness of the spiders' spinning,
buildings qualified by light,
bred by native character to environment,
married to the ground.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

Judge your natural character
by what you do in your dreams.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Many people excuse their own faults
but judge other persons harshly.
We should reverse this attitude
by excusing others' shortcomings
and by harshly examining our own.
- Paramahansa Yogananda

When I am able to resist the temptation to judge others,
I can see them as teachers.
- Gerald Jampolsky

I find hope in the darkest of days,
and focus in the brightest.
I do not judge the universe.
- Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama

Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap,
but by the seeds that you plant.
- Robert Louis Stevenson

I can only have peace of mind when I forgive rather than judge.
- Gerald Jampolsky

If we could first know where we are,
and whither we are tending,
we could then better judge what to do,
and how to do it.
- Abraham Lincoln

You go against yourself when you
judge or blame yourself for anything
- don Miguel Ruiz

You can easily judge the character of others
by how they treat those who can
do nothing for them or to them.
- Malcolm S. Forbes

Whoever undertakes to set himself up
as a judge of Truth and Knowledge
is shipwrecked by the laughter of the gods.
- Albert Einstein

When you are impeccable, you take
responsibility for your actions,
but you do not judge or blame yourself.
- don Miguel Ruiz

Everybody is a genius.
But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree,
it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.
- Albert Einstein

We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing,
while others judge us by what we have already done.
- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Men in general judge more from
appearances than from reality. All
men have eyes, but few have
the gift of penetration.
- Niccolo Machiavelli

A nation that is afraid to let its people
judge the truth and falsehood in an open market
is a nation that is afraid of its people.
- John F. Kennedy

When you are tempted to judge,
may you be reminded that we are ALL ONE,
and that every thought you think reverberates
across the universe touching everyone and everything.
- from the Simple Truths movie May You Be Blessed

The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway
is usually a poor judge of distance.
- Laurence J. Peter

The greatest battle of all is simply... Life.
This is no child's game. This is the big one -
the Super Bowl - the Game of all games.
The rules of Life are unwritten and unknown.
Perhaps, one could say that there are no rules.
The Judge has ultimate power.
She can call the game at any time - for any reason.
The penalties in the Game are completely arbitrary -
in both timing and severity.
Penalty for what, we ask?
The Judge is silent.
How can I win the Game?
"You can never win," comes the answer,
"So just take pleasure in playing the Game."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Use heroes as a springboard for inquiry
into the identity and nature of admirably human qualities.
Do not judge heroes -
neither to put them unquestioningly on a pedestal
nor to unkindly probe their flaws.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Who made the rule that life has to be so serious?
One would think that "life is serious" had been engraved
upon stone tablets to judge from how most lives are lived.
Get a life, smile broadly, sing loudly,
paint your rooms in bold colors,
search every rabbit hole for a magical white bunny,
have caviar for breakfast and oatmeal for dinner,
wear a purple coat with a red hat - dance lightly with life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

We are not afraid to entrust the American people with unpleasant facts,
foreign ideas, alien philosophies, and competitive values.
For a nation that is afraid to let its people judge
the truth and falsehood in an open market
is a nation that is afraid of its people.
- John F. Kennedy

A friend should be a master at guessing and keeping still.
- Friedrich Nietzsche

Each contact with a human being is so rare, so precious,
one should preserve it.
- Anais Nin

Every man should have a fair-sized cemetery
in which to bury the faults of his friends.
- Henry Brooks Adams

If a man does not make new acquaintances
as he advances through life,
he will soon find himself alone.
A man, sir, should keep his friendships in constant repair.
- Samuel Johnson

I soothe my conscience now with the thought that
it is better for hard words to be on paper
than that Mummy should carry them in her heart.
- Anne Frank

I think, at a child's birth,
if a mother could ask a fairy godmother
to endow it with the most useful gift,
that gift should be curiosity.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

In everyone's life, at some time,
our inner fire goes out.
It is then burst into flame
by an encounter with another human being.
We should all be thankful for those people
who rekindle the inner spirit.
- Albert Schweitzer

The formula for achieving a successful relationship is simple:
you should treat all disasters as if they were trivialities
but never treat a triviality as if it were a disaster.
- Quentin Crisp

Old age has deformities enough of its own.
It should never add to them the deformity of vice.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

If there is anything that we wish to change in the child,
we should first examine it and see whether it is
not something that could better be changed in ourselves.
- Carl Jung

Man should forget his anger before he lies down to sleep.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

No one has yet realized the wealth of sympathy,
the kindness and generosity hidden in the soul of a child.
The effort of every true education should be to unlock that treasure.
- Emma Goldman

Two things a man should never be angry at:
what he can help,
and what he cannot help.
- Thomas Fuller

If a man is proud of his wealth,
he should not be praised until it is known how he employs it.
- Socrates

We all should choose our friends carefully.
I used to think that no one could know me better than somebody else,
because you're inside yourself, your body, you can't see yourself.
If you think like that, you surround yourself with
other people who are willing to tell you who you are,
which are usually judgmental people ...
we should really surround ourselves with the ones
that adore us and believe in the highest of us.
- Jewel

Parents are usually more careful to bestow knowledge
on their children rather than virtue,
the art of speaking well rather than doing well;
but their manners should be of the greatest concern.
- R. Buckminster Fuller

Those who have come here to hate should leave now;
for in their hate, they only betray themselves.
- Terry Goodkind

All major religious traditions
carry basically the same message,
that is love, compassion and forgiveness.
The important thing is they should
be part of our daily lives.
- Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama

I've learned that you should always
leave loved ones with loving words.
It may be the last time you see them.
- Anonymous

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Friendship Quotes

Jonathan Lockwood Huie
"The Philosopher of Happiness" - is the author of 100 Secrets for Living a Life You Love, co-author of Simply An Inspired Life, speaker, personal coach, and creator of the popular Daily Inspiration - Daily Quote free email.>

I was married by a judge.by Groucho Marx

Friendship Quotes

I was married by a judge.
by Groucho Marx