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Funny Friends Quotes - Funny Quotes about Friends

Please enjoy these Funny Friends quotes from my collection of Friendship quotes.

A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler

Related topics: Funny Friendship Relationship Marriage

Nothing is more cheerful than talking
about our friends' shortcomings.
- Mason Cooley

I have lost friends, some by death ...
others by sheer inability to cross the street.
- Virginia Woolf

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell -
you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain

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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Everyone should have at least two friends -
one to talk to and one to talk about.
- Anonymous

When your friends begin to flatter
you on how young you look,
it's a sure sign you're getting old.
- Mark Twain

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin

 

I choose my friends for their good looks,
my acquaintances for their good characters,
and my enemies for their intellects.
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde

Nothing makes the earth seem so spacious
as to have friends at a distance;
they make the latitudes and the longitudes.
- Henry David Thoreau

Heaven must be an awfully dull place
if your best friends end up elsewhere.
- Anonymous

We make our friends; we make our enemies;
but God makes our next-door neighbor.
- Gilbert (G. K.) Chesterton

He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.
- Oscar Wilde

Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer.
- the movie The Godfather, Part II

An excellent man;
he has no enemies;
and none of his friends like him.
- Oscar Wilde

A true friend is someone who
thinks that you are a good egg
even though he knows that
you are slightly cracked.
- Bernard Meltzer

An old friend will help you move.
A good friend will help you move a dead body.
- Jim Hayes

Nine-tenths of the people were created
so you would want to be with the other tenth.
- Horace Walpole

Normal is in the eye of the beholder.
- Whoopi Goldberg

The secret of ugliness consists not in irregularity,
but in being uninteresting.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Nothing is so common-place as to wish to be remarkable.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

Times like these, dark times,
they do funny things to people.
They can tear them apart.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (2009)

Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore,
and that's what parents were created for.
- Ogden Nash

Big sisters are the crabgrass in the lawn of life.
- Linus Van Pelt in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts cartoon

Okay, here's your first lesson: how to take a FALL!
- the movie Karate Kid

Old age has deformities enough of its own.
It should never add to them the deformity of vice.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is,
he's stuck with so many bad actors
who don't know how to play funny.
- Garrison Keillor

Love is an endless mystery,
for it has nothing else to explain it.
- Rabindranath Tagore

Life's burdens are lighter when I laugh at myself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Fear of death ... That's funny. I have that too.
My dog has it. It's very common with living creatures.
- the movie Anything Else (2003)

When you're drowning, you don't say,
"I would be incredibly pleased if someone
would have the foresight to notice
me drowning and come and help me,"
you just scream.
- John Lennon

Minds are like parachutes.
They only function when they are open.
- James Dewar

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times,
always with the same person.
- Germaine Greer

To fall in love is awfully simple,
but to fall out of love is simply awful.
- Bess Myerson

It's a funny thing about life;
if you refuse to accept anything but the best,
you very often get it.
- W. Somerset Maugham

Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth
or burn down your house, you can never tell.
- Joan Crawford

I have faith. I just need proof to back it up.
- the movie Simon Birch

I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer

Still, things could be a lot worse.
Oh, that's right... I'm falling to my death. Guess they can't.
- the movie Megamind (2010)

It happens - Sometimes.
- the movie Forrest Gump

Wit is the lowest form of humor.
- Alexander Pope

After fifteen minutes I wanted to marry her,
and after half an hour
I completely gave up the idea of stealing her purse.
- the movie Take the Money and Run (1969)

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
- Henny Youngman

She's been diagnosed as a paranoid hypochondriac.
Doctors think she may be faking.
- the movie Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid

It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary

What exactly is the function of a rubber duck?
- the movie Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002)

We have always found the Irish a bit odd.
They refuse to be English.
- Winston Churchill

I've become the person I've always hated, but I'm happier.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
- Edgar Bergen

Don't worry about that chair with a hole in the middle.
It's merely waiting to be reupholstered.
- the movie Casino Royale (1966)

Look your best - who said love is blind?
- Mae West

One good Husband is worth two good Wives;
for the scarcer things are, the more they're valued.
- Benjamin Franklin

The future ain't what it used to be.
- Yogi Berra

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
- Emo Phillips

I don't care whose fault this was, just get it sorted!
And could someone please bring me something deep fat fried
and smothered in chocolate.
- the movie Shrek 2

You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly,
but I bet you ain't never seen a DONKEY fly!
- the movie Shrek (2001)

Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire

I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
- Anonymous

The proper office of a friend is to side with you
when you are in the wrong.
Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.
- Mark Twain

I have no fear of the gallows ... They're going to shoot me.
- the movie Love and Death

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
- George Carlin

Always remember the three magic words: You're right dear.
- Anonymous

I haven't reported my missing credit card to the police
because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife.
- Ilie Nastase

The worst part of success is to try to find
someone who is happy for you.
- Bette Midler

I intend to live forever, or die trying.
- Groucho Marx

We like a man to come right out and say what he thinks-
if we agree with him.
- Mark Twain

What we've got here is failure to communicate.
- the movie Cool Hand Luke

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx

A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles

Procrastination is the bad habit of putting off
until the day after tomorrow what should
have been done the day before yesterday.
- Napoleon Hill

I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
- Phyllis Diller

I never make stupid mistakes.
Only very, very clever ones.
- John Peel


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Friendship Quotes


Jonathan Lockwood Huie
"The Philosopher of Happiness" - is the author of 100 Secrets for Living a Life You Love, co-author of Simply An Inspired Life, speaker, personal coach, and creator of the popular Daily Inspiration - Daily Quote free email.>

 


All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.