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Funny Friendship Quotes
Funny Quotes about Friendship

Please enjoy these Funny quotes on Friendship from my collection of Friendship quotes.

A true friend is someone who
thinks that you are a good egg
even though he knows that
you are slightly cracked.
- Bernard Meltzer

Related topics: Friendship Relationship Cute Whimsey Live-By

Nine-tenths of the people were created
so you would want to be with the other tenth.
- Horace Walpole

An old friend will help you move.
A good friend will help you move a dead body.
- Jim Hayes

Times like these, dark times,
they do funny things to people.
They can tear them apart.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (2009)

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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Old age has deformities enough of its own.
It should never add to them the deformity of vice.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore,
and that's what parents were created for.
- Ogden Nash

Big sisters are the crabgrass in the lawn of life.
- Linus Van Pelt in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts cartoon

 

The secret of ugliness consists not in irregularity,
but in being uninteresting.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Nothing is so common-place as to wish to be remarkable.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

Normal is in the eye of the beholder.
- Whoopi Goldberg

Okay, here's your first lesson: how to take a FALL!
- the movie Karate Kid

When you're drowning, you don't say,
"I would be incredibly pleased if someone
would have the foresight to notice
me drowning and come and help me,"
you just scream.
- John Lennon

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times,
always with the same person.
- Germaine Greer

Minds are like parachutes.
They only function when they are open.
- James Dewar

To fall in love is awfully simple,
but to fall out of love is simply awful.
- Bess Myerson

Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth
or burn down your house, you can never tell.
- Joan Crawford

Life's burdens are lighter when I laugh at myself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is,
he's stuck with so many bad actors
who don't know how to play funny.
- Garrison Keillor

It's a funny thing about life;
if you refuse to accept anything but the best,
you very often get it.
- W. Somerset Maugham

Love is an endless mystery,
for it has nothing else to explain it.
- Rabindranath Tagore

Fear of death ... That's funny. I have that too.
My dog has it. It's very common with living creatures.
- the movie Anything Else (2003)

I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year
for cheating on my metaphysics final ...
I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall

Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
- H. L. Mencken

He early on let her know who is the boss.
He looked her right in the eye and clearly said, "You're the boss."
- Anonymous humor

You are only young once,
but you can stay immature indefinitely.
- Anonymous

You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle

A person with a new idea is
a crank until the idea succeeds.
- Mark Twain

Be careful about reading health books.
You may die of a misprint.
- Mark Twain

They have come up with a perfect understanding.
He won't try to run her life,
and he won't try to run his, either.
- Anonymous

You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch

Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
- Oscar Wilde

Nothing echoes like an empty mailbox.
- Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts

Look your best - who said love is blind?
- Mae West

Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

If this is coffee, please bring me some tea;
but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.
- Abraham Lincoln

I feel the need to express something,
but I don't know what it is I want to express.
- the movie Interiors

Love is like an hourglass,
with the heart filling up as the brain empties.
- Jules Renard

Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein

I intend to live forever, or die trying.
- Groucho Marx

I have a very low threshold of death.
My doctor says I can't have bullets enter my body at any time.
- the Woody Allen movie Casino Royale

A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler

If you don't know where you are going,
you might wind up someplace else.
- Yogi Berra

Now, if you don't mind, I'd appreciate it if you could lower your wand.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

Save a boyfriend for a rainy day -
and another, in case it doesn't rain.
- Mae West

A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50,
and a fool if he doesn't afterward.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

Clear? Huh. Why a four-year-old child
could understand this report.
Run out and find me a four-year-old child,
I can't make head or tail of it.
- the Groucho Marx movie Duck Soup

True love comes quietly,
without banners or flashing lights.
If you hear bells, get your ears checked.
- Erich Segal

The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde

If I had known what it would be like to have it all -
I might have been willing to settle for less.
- Lily Tomlin

Here's a toast to your new bride who has everything a girl
could want in her life, except for good taste in men.
- Anonymous

After fifteen minutes I wanted to marry her,
and after half an hour
I completely gave up the idea of stealing her purse.
- the movie Take the Money and Run (1969)

Gossip is the art of saying nothing
in a way that leaves practically nothing unsaid.
- Walter Winchell

Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories

A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -
and he's a priest.
- Erma Bombeck

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin

Half the people you know are below average.
- Anonymous

Everyone should have at least two friends -
one to talk to and one to talk about.
- Anonymous

When you reach the end of your rope,
tie a knot and hang on.
- Anonymous Saying
(Sometimes attributed to Franklin D. Roosevelt,
Eleanor Roosevelt, or Thomas Jefferson)

I have faith. I just need proof to back it up.
- the movie Simon Birch

I got a perfect build for clothes.
I'm a twenty-eight dwarf.
- the movie Love and Death

I don't care whose fault this was, just get it sorted!
And could someone please bring me something deep fat fried
and smothered in chocolate.
- the movie Shrek 2

A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)

It looks like we're up chocolate creek without a Popsicle stick!
- the movie Shrek 2 (2004)

I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz

Are we there yet? are we there yet? are we there yet?
- said by Donkey in the movie Shrek 2

When you think you're out of time,
smile, and turn back the clock.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
- H. L. Mencken

The worst part of success is to try to find
someone who is happy for you.
- Bette Midler

I'm awash in self-contempt!
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity


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Friendship Quotes


Jonathan Lockwood Huie
"The Philosopher of Happiness" - is the author of 100 Secrets for Living a Life You Love, co-author of Simply An Inspired Life, speaker, personal coach, and creator of the popular Daily Inspiration - Daily Quote free email.>

 


All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.