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One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High
and you ... blink and you're 40,
you blink again and you can see movies
at half price on a senior citizen's pass.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately,
ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity
I don't believe in the after life,
although I am bringing a change of underwear.
- Woody Allen
You have to learn to push the guilt
under the rug and move on,
otherwise it overwhelms you.
- the Woody Allen movie Match Point
I've become the person I've always hated, but I'm happier.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity
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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I have a very low threshold of death.
My doctor says I can't have bullets enter my body at any time.
- the Woody Allen movie Casino Royale
I don't want to move to a city where the only cultural advantage
is being able to make a right turn on a red light.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall
A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)
I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
Tradition is the illusion of permanence.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
There's nothing wrong with being afraid.
We were meant to be afraid.
- the Woody Allen movie Anything Else
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists?
In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.
- Woody Allen
Eighty percent of success is showing up.
- Woody Allen
I'm going to go in the bathroom and scream.
I'll be out in a minute.
- the Woody Allen movie What's New Pussycat
Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories
You want to do mankind a real service?
Tell funnier jokes.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories (1980)
Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.
- Woody Allen
The food at this place is really terrible ...
and such small portions.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall
I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year
for cheating on my metaphysics final ...
I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall
The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
I'm awash in self-contempt!
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity
All people know the same truth.
Our lives consist of how we chose to distort it.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have,
instead of what you don't have.
- Woody Allen
Life ... full of loneliness, and misery,
and suffering, and unhappiness,
and it's all over much too quickly.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall
Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
- Woody Allen
Money is better than poverty,
if only for financial reasons.
- Woody Allen
I have a very pessimistic view of life.
You should know this about me if we're gonna go out.
You know, I - I feel that life is -
is divided up into the horrible and the miserable.
Those are the two categories, you know.
The - the horrible would be like, um,
I don't know, terminal cases, you know,
and blind people, crippled. I don't know how they get through life.
It's amazing to me. You know, and the miserable is everyone else.
That's - that's - so - so - when you go through life -
you should be thankful that you're miserable
because you're very lucky to be miserable.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall
The lion and the calf shall lie down together,
but the calf won't get much sleep.
- Woody Allen
You have no values. With you its all nihilism,
cynicism, sarcasm, and orgasm.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
It's just gossip, you know. Gossip is the new pornography.
- the Woody Allen movie Manhattan (1979)
The only thing to do is to hug one's friend tight and do one's job.
- Edith Wharton
A true friend is one who believes in you
when you have ceased to believe in yourself.
- Anonymous
A friend is one who knows us, but loves us anyway.
- Jerome Cummings
The only way to have a friend is to be one.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Friendship is born at that moment
when one person says to another,
"What! You too? I thought I was the only one."
- C. S. Lewis
The only reward of virtue is virtue;
the only way to have a friend is to be one.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
A real friend is one who walks in
when the rest of the world walks out.
- Walter Winchell
A friend is one before whom I can think aloud.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Friendship is one mind in two bodies.
- Mencius
It is one of the blessings of old friends
that you can afford to be stupid with them.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Friendship is not possible between two women
one of whom is very well dressed.
- Laurie Colwin
Laughter is not at all a bad beginning for a friendship,
and it is far the best ending for one.
- Oscar Wilde
Sometimes new love comes between old friends.
Sometimes the best love was the one that was always there.
- Anonymous
The easiest kind of friendship for me
is with ten thousand people.
The hardest is with one.
- Joan Baez
Remember, we all stumble, every one of us.
That's why it's a comfort to go hand in hand.
- Emily Kimbrough
Friendship with one's self is all important,
because without it one cannot be friends with anyone else in the world.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Everyone has a "best friend" during each stage of life,
but only a precious few have the same one.
- Anonymous
A true friend is the one who
walks in when others walk out.
- Walter Winchell
A friend is one who has the same enemies as you have.
- Abraham Lincoln
Friendship without self-interest
is one of the rare and beautiful things in life.
- James Francis Byrnes
In true friendship, one can express
anything and everything without feeling ashamed
or afraid of being rejected.
- Aparna Chatterjee
Each contact with a human being is so rare, so precious,
one should preserve it.
- Anais Nin
Friends... they cherish one another's hopes.
They are kind to one another's dreams.
- Henry David Thoreau
One is taught by experience to put a premium
on those few people who can appreciate you for what you are.
- Gail Godwin
One measure of friendship consists
not in the number of things friends can discuss,
but in the number of things they need no longer mention.
- Clifton Fadiman
My best friend is the one who brings out the best in me.
- Henry Ford
One of the most beautiful qualities of true friendship
is to understand and to be understood.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca
Love one another but make not a bond of love.
Let it rather be a moving sea
between the shores of your souls.
- Khalil Gibran
Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.
- Anais Nin
There's a big difference between a handout and a helping hand.
One's charity, the other's friendship.
- Little Joe' Cartwright in Bonanza - Rain from Heaven
A man's friendships are one of the best measures of his worth.
- Charles Darwin
The greatest compliment that was ever paid me
was when one asked me what I thought,
and attended to my answer.
- Henry David Thoreau
Friendship is a thing most necessary to life,
since without friends no one would choose to live,
though possessed of all other advantages.
- Aristotle
Friendship is a strong and habitual inclination in two persons
to promote the good and happiness of one another.
- Eustace Budgell
A friend is one who walks in when others walk out
- Walter Winchell
One loyal friend is worth ten thousand relatives.
- Euripides
We can never replace a friend.
When a man is fortunate enough to have several,
he finds they are all different.
No one has a double in friendship.
- Johann Schiller
There is only one happiness in life: to love and to be loved.
- George Sand
NO ONE is really different;
each of us is actually a member of the human race.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
So divinely is the world organized that every one of us,
in our place and time, is in balance with everything else.
- Adam Acone
One never notices what has been done;
one can only see what remains to be done.
- Marie Curie
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Jonathan Lockwood Huie
"The Philosopher of Happiness" - is the author of 100 Secrets for Living a Life You Love, co-author of Simply An Inspired Life, speaker, personal coach, and creator of the popular Daily Inspiration - Daily Quote free email.>
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