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Quotes about Funniest and Friendship
Funniest Quotes

Please enjoy these Quotes about Funniest and Friendship from my collection of Friendship quotes.

My way of joking is telling the truth;
that is the funniest joke in the world.
- George Bernard Shaw

Related topics: Cynical Funny

A true friend is someone who
thinks that you are a good egg
even though he knows that
you are slightly cracked.
- Bernard Meltzer PHOTO

An old friend will help you move.
A good friend will help you move a dead body.
- Jim Hayes

Nine-tenths of the people were created
so you would want to be with the other tenth.
- Horace Walpole

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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Nothing is so common-place as to wish to be remarkable.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

The secret of ugliness consists not in irregularity,
but in being uninteresting.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Old age has deformities enough of its own.
It should never add to them the deformity of vice.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

 

Times like these, dark times,
they do funny things to people.
They can tear them apart.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (2009)

Okay, here's your first lesson: how to take a FALL!
- the movie Karate Kid

Big sisters are the crabgrass in the lawn of life.
- Linus Van Pelt in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts cartoon

Normal is in the eye of the beholder.
- Whoopi Goldberg

Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore,
and that's what parents were created for.
- Ogden Nash

It's a funny thing about life;
if you refuse to accept anything but the best,
you very often get it.
- W. Somerset Maugham

Minds are like parachutes.
They only function when they are open.
- James Dewar

Fear of death ... That's funny. I have that too.
My dog has it. It's very common with living creatures.
- the movie Anything Else (2003)

Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth
or burn down your house, you can never tell.
- Joan Crawford

Love is an endless mystery,
for it has nothing else to explain it.
- Rabindranath Tagore

God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is,
he's stuck with so many bad actors
who don't know how to play funny.
- Garrison Keillor

Life's burdens are lighter when I laugh at myself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

When you're drowning, you don't say,
"I would be incredibly pleased if someone
would have the foresight to notice
me drowning and come and help me,"
you just scream.
- John Lennon

To fall in love is awfully simple,
but to fall out of love is simply awful.
- Bess Myerson

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times,
always with the same person.
- Germaine Greer

After fifteen minutes I wanted to marry her,
and after half an hour
I completely gave up the idea of stealing her purse.
- the movie Take the Money and Run (1969)

As to marriage or celibacy, let a man
take which course he will,
he will be sure to repent.
- Socrates

I haven't reported my missing credit card to the police
because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife.
- Ilie Nastase

Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous

I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.
- Winston Churchill

Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes
in the hope of pulling out an eel.
- Leonardo da Vinci

I read that you should never go out with someone
if you can think of three reasons why you shouldn't.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (2004)

The proper office of a friend is to side with you
when you are in the wrong.
Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.
- Mark Twain

Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill

Stay hopeless and confused. Keep polishing those skills.
- the movie When a Man Loves a Woman (1994)

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell -
you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
- Albert Einstein

Old age is fifteen years older than I am.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

I refuse to answer that question
on the grounds that I don't know the answer
- Douglas Adams

One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill

We have always found the Irish a bit odd.
They refuse to be English.
- Winston Churchill

A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50,
and a fool if he doesn't afterward.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

The time-traveling is just too dangerous.
Better that I devote myself to study
the other great mystery of the universe - women!
- the movie Back to the Future II

Well, you ask a silly question, and you get a silly answer.
- Tom Lehrer

Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
- H. L. Mencken

I choose my friends for their good looks,
my acquaintances for their good characters,
and my enemies for their intellects.
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde

A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Don't worry about that chair with a hole in the middle.
It's merely waiting to be reupholstered.
- the movie Casino Royale (1966)

Still, things could be a lot worse.
Oh, that's right... I'm falling to my death. Guess they can't.
- the movie Megamind (2010)

I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln

The world's mental.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
- Milton Berle

If this is coffee, please bring me some tea;
but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.
- Abraham Lincoln

Tragedy is when I cut my finger.
Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
- Mel Brooks

Half the people you know are below average.
- Anonymous

There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous

The food at this place is really terrible ...
and such small portions.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall

Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of ...
about me not listening to her, or something.
I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
- the movie Dumb & Dumber (1994)

My wife ran off with my best friend, and I sure do miss him.
- Anonymous

Here are the opinions on which my facts are based.
- Anonymous

One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world.
I know because I've done it thousands of times.
- Mark Twain

I've become the person I've always hated, but I'm happier.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity

New Yorkers love it when you spill your guts out there.
Spill your guts at Wimbledon and they make you stop and clean it up.
- Jimmy Carter

Women want mediocre men,
and men are working to be as mediocre as possible.
- Margaret Mead

Wit is the lowest form of humor.
- Alexander Pope

I believe in equality for everyone,
except reporters and photographers.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective

(Groom), take (Bride)'s hand and place your hand over hers.
Now, remember this moment and cherish it...
because this will be the last time you ever have the upper hand.
- Anonymous

They have come up with a perfect understanding.
He won't try to run her life,
and he won't try to run his, either.
- Anonymous

I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year
for cheating on my metaphysics final ...
I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall

No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- George Carlin


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Friendship Quotes


Jonathan Lockwood Huie
"The Philosopher of Happiness" - is the author of 100 Secrets for Living a Life You Love, co-author of Simply An Inspired Life, speaker, personal coach, and creator of the popular Daily Inspiration - Daily Quote free email.>

 


All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.