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I would never want to be a member of a group
whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
- George Carlin
Related topics: Cynical
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
- George Carlin
One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin
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Thank You,
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- George Carlin
I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out
where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
- George Carlin
I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.
- George Carlin
As soon as someone is identified as an unsung hero,
he no longer is.
- George Carlin
I don't like to think of laws
as rules you have to follow,
but more as suggestions.
- George Carlin
I love and treasure individuals as I meet them;
I loathe and despise the groups
they identify with and belong to.
- George Carlin
If it's true that our species is alone in the universe,
then I'd have to say that the universe
aimed rather low and settled for very little.
- George Carlin
Think of how stupid the average person is,
and realize half of them are stupider than that.
- George Carlin
Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
- George Carlin
By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
- George Carlin
The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American
recently passed each other in opposite directions.
- George Carlin
If it requires a uniform, it's a worthless endeavor.
- George Carlin
Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
- George Carlin
So far, this is the oldest I've been.
- George Carlin
If a man smiles all the time,
he's probably selling something that doesn't work.
- George Carlin
Honesty may be the best policy,
but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination,
dishonesty is the second-best policy.
- George Carlin
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
- George Carlin
Inside every cynical person,
there is a disappointed idealist.
- George Carlin
The reason I talk to myself is because
I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
- George Carlin
The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
- George Carlin
Capitalism tries for a delicate balance:
It attempts to work things out so that
everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from
getting violent and trying to take other people's stuff.
- George Carlin
Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man
... living in the sky. Who watches everything you do
every minute of every day. And the invisible man
has a list of ten specific things he doesn't want you to do.
And if you do any of these things,
he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire
and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever,
and suffer, and suffer, and burn, and scream,
until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you.
He loves you and he needs money.
- George Carlin
If you love something, set it free;
if it comes back it's yours,
if it doesn't, it never was.
- Richard Bach
Friends are the siblings God never gave us.
- Mencius
We can never replace a friend.
When a man is fortunate enough to have several,
he finds they are all different.
No one has a double in friendship.
- Johann Schiller
Some people come into our lives and quickly go.
Some people stay for awhile,
and move our souls to dance.
They awaken us to a new understanding,
leave footprints on our hearts,
and we are never, ever the same.
- Flavia Weedn
Things are never quite as scary when you've got a best friend.
- Bill Watterson
The finest kind of friendship is between people
who expect a great deal of each other but never ask it.
- Anonymous
True friends are appreciative and never demanding.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A friendship that can end never really began.
- Publilius Syrus
A true friend never gets in your way
unless you happen to be going down.
- Arnold H. Glasgow
Friendship often ends in love; but love in friendship - never.
- Charles Caleb Colton
It is only the great-hearted who can be true friends.
The mean and cowardly can never know what true friendship means.
- Charles Kingsley
Friendship is always a sweet responsibility,
never an opportunity.
- Khalil Gibran
Love is never lost. If not reciprocated,
it will flow back and soften and purify the heart.
- Washington Irving
Our desires always disappoint us;
for though we meet with something that gives us satisfaction,
yet it never thoroughly answers our expectation.
- Elbert Hubbard
A man who doesn't trust himself
can never really trust anyone else.
- Cardinal De Retz
We could never learn to be brave and patient,
if there were only joy in the world.
- Helen Keller
Stay Happy, never let anyone get your goat.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is short,
Break the Rules.
Forgive quickly,
Kiss SLOWLY.
Love truly.
Laugh uncontrollably
And never regret
ANYTHING
That makes you smile
- Mark Twain
There was never a child so lovely
but his mother was glad to get him to sleep.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
You can never love without giving.
- Robert Louis Stevenson
Okay, so it's a matter of life and death - now are you happy?
Urgency is never a path to joy.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Comfort and prosperity have never enriched
the world as much as adversity has.
- Billy Graham
You are Never Too Old to Give or Get Gold Stars.
Show Your Honest Appreciation - Today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It's never too late -
never too late to start over,
never too late to be happy.
- Jane Fonda
Life is a game.
Keep it light and playful.
Tease life, taunt life,
never attack life head-on.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The pursuit of happiness is a most ridiculous phrase:
if you pursue happiness you'll never find it.
- C. P. Snow
Old age has deformities enough of its own.
It should never add to them the deformity of vice.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
"You always..." and "you never..." are code phrases for
"you don't meet my expectations,
so I am declaring you inadequate and unacceptable."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Never lose a holy curiosity.
- Albert Einstein
You can give without loving,
but you can never love without giving.
- Robert Louis Stevenson
Two things a man should never be angry at:
what he can help,
and what he cannot help.
- Thomas Fuller
Make sure you never, never argue at night.
You just lose a good night's sleep,
and you can't settle anything until morning anyway.
- Rose Kennedy
We are never afraid of what is happening in this instant -
It is what MIGHT happen next that frightens us.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
One can never speak enough of the virtues,
the dangers, the power of shared laughter.
- Francoise Sagan
Know that you are never alone.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
You can never really live anyone else's life,
not even your child's.
The influence you exert is through your own life,
and what you've become yourself.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Talk not of wasted affection;
affection never was wasted.
- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
We're never so vulnerable than when we trust someone -
but paradoxically, if we cannot trust,
neither can we find love or joy.
- Walter Anderson
May we so love as never to have occasion
to repent of our love!
- Henry David Thoreau
Man's mind, once stretched by a new idea,
never regains its original dimensions.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
Love the heart that hurts you,
but never hurt the heart that loves you.
- Vipin Sharma
Life was meant to be lived,
and curiosity must be kept alive.
One must never, for whatever reason,
turn his back on life.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side
which he never shows to anybody.
- Mark Twain
I never accepted the idea
that I had to be guided by
some pattern or blueprint.
- Little Richard
What we have once enjoyed we can never lose.
All that we love deeply becomes a part of us.
- Helen Keller
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Jonathan Lockwood Huie
"The Philosopher of Happiness" - is the author of 100 Secrets for Living a Life You Love, co-author of Simply An Inspired Life, speaker, personal coach, and creator of the popular Daily Inspiration - Daily Quote free email.>
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