It's a funny thing about life; by W. Somerset Maugham

It's a funny thing about life;
by W. Somerset Maugham

There is only one thing about which I am certain,
and that is that there is very little
about which one can be certain.
- W. Somerset Maugham

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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Nine-tenths of the people were created
so you would want to be with the other tenth.
- Horace Walpole

An old friend will help you move.
A good friend will help you move a dead body.
- Jim Hayes

Big sisters are the crabgrass in the lawn of life.
- Linus Van Pelt in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts cartoon

Old age has deformities enough of its own.
It should never add to them the deformity of vice.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

The secret of ugliness consists not in irregularity,
but in being uninteresting.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Nothing is so common-place as to wish to be remarkable.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

Times like these, dark times,
they do funny things to people.
They can tear them apart.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (2009)

Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore,
and that's what parents were created for.
- Ogden Nash

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times,
always with the same person.
- Germaine Greer

When you're drowning, you don't say,
"I would be incredibly pleased if someone
would have the foresight to notice
me drowning and come and help me,"
you just scream.
- John Lennon

Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth
or burn down your house, you can never tell.
- Joan Crawford

God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is,
he's stuck with so many bad actors
who don't know how to play funny.
- Garrison Keillor

To fall in love is awfully simple,
but to fall out of love is simply awful.
- Bess Myerson

Love is an endless mystery,
for it has nothing else to explain it.
- Rabindranath Tagore

Fear of death ... That's funny. I have that too.
My dog has it. It's very common with living creatures.
- the movie Anything Else (2003)

A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler

As to marriage or celibacy, let a man
take which course he will,
he will be sure to repent.
- Socrates

Save a boyfriend for a rainy day -
and another, in case it doesn't rain.
- Mae West

Greetings, cosmic children of the universe.
Welcome to my serenity circle.
Please leave all bad vibes outside the healing vortex.
- the movie Shrek the Third (2007)

I've always believed that if done properly,
armed robbery doesn't have to be an unpleasant experience.
- the movie Thelma & Louise

Laugh Loud - Laugh Often
Laugh At What's Funny - Laugh At What's Sad
Laugh At Me - Laugh At You - Laugh At Life
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Are we there yet? are we there yet? are we there yet?
- said by Donkey in the movie Shrek 2

Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West

I choose my friends for their good looks,
my acquaintances for their good characters,
and my enemies for their intellects.
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde

I haven't reported my missing credit card to the police
because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife.
- Ilie Nastase

The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde

And you just gotta remember, Sparky -
no matter what they tell you - you can NEVER have too much sugar.
- the movie Michael (1996)

I'm not used to feeling so human.
Is it always like this?
- Edward, from Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer

Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire

Don't marry a man to reform him -
that's what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

When we remember we are all mad,
the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
- Mark Twain

Women want mediocre men,
and men are working to be as mediocre as possible.
- Margaret Mead

After fifteen minutes I wanted to marry her,
and after half an hour
I completely gave up the idea of stealing her purse.
- the movie Take the Money and Run (1969)

I have no fear of the gallows ... They're going to shoot me.
- the movie Love and Death

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell -
you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain

I wanted to see exotic Vietnam, the jewel of Southeast Asia.
I, uh, I wanted to meet interesting
and stimulating people of an ancient culture,
and kill them.
- the movie Full Metal Jacket

The worst part of success is to try to find
someone who is happy for you.
- Bette Midler

This is my ultimate fantasy:
watching QVC with a credit card
while making love and eating at the same time.
- Yasmine Bleeth

Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein

When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain

EVERYONE has the right to make an ass out of themselves.
- Harold and Maude (The movie )

The trouble with having an open mind, of course,
is that people will insist on coming along
and trying to put things in it.
- Terry Pratchett

You'll live to be a hundred if you give up
all the things that make you want to.
- the movie Interiors

Everyone should have at least two friends -
one to talk to and one to talk about.
- Anonymous

Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill

There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous

I got a perfect build for clothes.
I'm a twenty-eight dwarf.
- the movie Love and Death

Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands?
And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewelry.
- John Lennon

You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)

I got a good mind to join a club
and beat you over the head with it.
- the Groucho Marx movie Duck Soup

I have lost friends, some by death ...
others by sheer inability to cross the street.
- Virginia Woolf

The food at this place is really terrible ...
and such small portions.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall

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Friendship Quotes

Jonathan Lockwood Huie
"The Philosopher of Happiness" - is the author of 100 Secrets for Living a Life You Love, co-author of Simply An Inspired Life, speaker, personal coach, and creator of the popular Daily Inspiration - Daily Quote free email.>

It's a funny thing about life;by W. Somerset Maugham

Friendship Quotes

It's a funny thing about life;
by W. Somerset Maugham